How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
