I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
