can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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