drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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