Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
