And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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