As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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