the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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