Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
