omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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