Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
