im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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