just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
