I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
