ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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