Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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