awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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