There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
