Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
