think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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