I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
