we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
