Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
