He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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