billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
