I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
