Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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