yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
