I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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