How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
