I wanna bring you to show and tell
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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