I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
operation harelip BJ is a go
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
