Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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