are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
