How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
