nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
