Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
