Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i dont even know how to be here
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
