We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
