Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
