Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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