I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
