I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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