Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
