porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
