I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
