They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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