btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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