apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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