They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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