I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
