peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
