Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
