flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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