had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's always time for handjobs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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