Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
